Before The Dawn Book 2: I Want For Nothing
by Michi-chan aka Hime-Venus
Summary: Book 2 of the Before The Dawn Series - Ami explores her mind to find her own inner desires now that Minako is gone.
1. I want For Nothing chp1

Authors note: What? What's this? I'm writing an author's note? Wow, I normally don't do that! Anyway, this is just to say thanks to all those who read book one and I hope that you all will enjoy book 2.  
  
This segment is called "I want for nothing" and it's about Ami Minzo. I think it's a fitting title and you may agree with me after you finish this first chapter. This is not a coping segment. Ami has a destiny of her own to fulfill. I don't want to give it away, so I won't say anymore. . I love feedback and even flames. They help my writing, really! Ok, end transmission!  
  
Beyond The Dawn  
  
Book 2: I Want For Nothing  
  
Chapter 1  
  
She had left her. That was all there was to it. She had abandoned her family and her friends to be with some man! Why? Wasn't she happy with them? With her? They were always as one. They had vowed that they would never need a man in there lives because they were happy being senshi. They did have to have those relationships in order to be happy. They had each other and they swore that they would always be together. She took that promise seriously. So why didn't Minako see things in that light? Now she lay at the corner of the Tokyo tower incased in orange stone. He soul wasn't in heaven or hell. It was on the astral plane with that man named Kunzite. She hated that. She was alone again.  
  
Sure Usagi was there for her, and Ami and Makoto would keep looking out for her, but it wasn't the same. She had always sought comfort from Minako. All those lonely nights she had dreamed of having a life with Minako. She had even played with the idea of becoming a homosexual, but since Minako was "straight" she remained "straight" as well. It wasn't a major deal to her, as long as they were together.  
  
"Rei-chan?" came a small voice from outside her room. She turned from the homework she hadn't been doing and looked to see Ami peeking in. Rei smiled, but it was empty.  
  
"Hai, Ami-chan. What do you need?  
  
"Ah, nothing really. I just came to check up on you. You've seemed kind of down since Minako… You know…"  
  
"Ah, thank you Ami, but I'm fine really." Rei smiled for good measure. Ami smiled and nodded and slowly closed the door to her room.  
  
Poor Rei. If this kept up then she would surely drive herself into a depression. It has all been hard on them since Minako gave up her soul and abandoned her body to live with Kunzite. It was strange. It seemed as though Minako was dead even if she wasn't.  
  
Ami sympathized with her friend, and yet at the same time she harbored ill feeling towards Minako and Rei. She knew that Minako and Rei held a very special relationship, that they needed nothing. Only themselves, and Ami had envied that kind or relationship. She knew that they were a special pair when they had gone to karaoke last month. Minako and Rei had been singing "My Heart" but Megumi Hayshibara, and they had been perfect. It was as if they had shared the same mind as they sang and danced in the small room. Ami envied them.  
  
She paused in front of her apartment. Her mom wasn't home and would be working late so she would be alone again, alone to drown herself in her books and computer work. It wasn't that she hated her work; it was just that it was the only thing to do after the night hours came. He father was off painting god knows where, and her mom was working her behind off at the hospital. But Ami didn't hate her parents for not being around. Especially since she had her friends, but somehow, that just wasn't enough. She wanted more, but what more was there to her life? She had friends, a mysterious guy who has a crush on her, adventure, a financially well off family, a nice place to live, state of the art computer equipment, good grades, a private pool membership, mental challenges, and the freedom to practically go anywhere she wanted to go without penalty. She didn't have a curfew, her mom never yelled at her, and no one questioned her credibility. It was a perfect life. It was he perfect life… 


	2. I want For Nothing chp2

Beyond the dawn  
  
Book 2: I want for nothing  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Picnic weather, that's what it was. It was perfect picnic weather. That's what Ami said after watching Jungle wa itsumo Hale nochi Guu on television. She picked up her phone and dialed Makoto's number. The phone rang three times before it was answered by a sleepy voice.  
  
"Moshi moshi…" came Makoto's voice, groggy and full of sleep.  
  
"Oh, sorry Makoto, did I wake you?" Ami smiled. Strange, she thought. She sounded sympathetic to Makoto if she had disturbed her, but at the same time she didn't much care. That had been happening a lot.  
  
"Oh, no you didn't Ami. Uh, what's up?" Makoto said quickly. There was some shuffling in the background.  
  
"Nothing much. I was just looking outside and thought that it would be nice if you and I, and maybe a few of the girls when on a picnic."  
  
"Uh…" Makoto drawled her voice and then there was silence. Ami waited, irritated. That was strange too. She wasn't irritated easily.  
  
"Makoto?"  
  
"Yeah! I mean…." There was more fumbling in the background and Makoto had covered the mouthpiece of the phone, but Ami could clearly hear Makoto tell someone to stop playing around.  
  
"Makoto?"  
  
"Uh, look, Ami I got to go, but I'll call you back in a bit, ok? Then we can talk about that picnic."  
  
"Don't bother," Ami said flatly and hung up the phone. She was angry and she couldn't figure out why. Nothing had gone wrong all day, and she had even found a small tae stem floating perfectly vertical in her morning tea. It was a sign of good luck, so why did she feel so pissed off?  
  
Loneliness, it finally found her. It wanted her soul. It was blue, just like her hair. It was anger and resentment, jealousy and pride. It was eating at her heart. Soon, soon, it would fester and grow even larger within her heart. Then she would be lost in torment. If her mind survived then it would be a miracle, but her state of mind was long gone. It was too late and only a matter of time before she exploded. Ami was a walking time bomb. Only she didn't know it. Soon she would let out all her pent up emotions and someone would pay.  
  
Pluto observed her orb and began to cry. This would hurt the most. She knew she could not stop it, but she knew that Ami might end up killing two birds with one stone. She kept telling herself that it would turn out good in the end and that it was for the good of the future, but that did nothing to ease her aching her heart. All she could do was watch them, watch them fade.  
  
"Would it be ok?"  
  
"I don't see why not."  
  
"But what if Makoto found out."  
  
"So what?"  
  
"I mean, Makoto… She…"  
  
"Water and lighting right. That's funny Ami."  
  
"Really! I don't want her to know!"  
  
"Why? Are you embarrassed?"  
  
"No…"  
  
"Yes you are! Look your blushing!"  
  
"I can't help that!"  
  
"Sure you can."  
  
"Just stop…"  
  
"Wimp."  
  
"Don't call me that."  
  
"You are a wimp. A little perfect, princess, wimp."  
  
"Princess?"  
  
"Yeah. Living in that high rise apartment with everything your heart could desire."  
  
"I…"  
  
"You want this don't you?"  
  
"Yes…"  
  
"I wish I could be you."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"But what about…"  
  
"The others? Please! I can't do this with them."  
  
"Stop!"  
  
"Chill Ami, you called me. Remember?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know."  
  
"So?"  
  
"I'm not like her."  
  
"… I know."  
  
"Don't cry…"  
  
"I'm not. I don't cry. I'm no sissy."  
  
"Right."  
  
"Don't screw around Ami!"  
  
"I'm not!"  
  
"Right… So tell me…"  
  
"What?"  
  
"What brought this on?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Yes you do."  
  
"I think… when Minako left."  
  
"Oh… You wanted to join her?"  
  
"No… but I was jealous. I wish I were gone."  
  
"Oh… Is life really so bad?"  
  
"Mine is."  
  
"How? You have nothing to worry about."  
  
"I get lonely."  
  
"That's why you called me?"  
  
"Yeah. I need… I need you."  
  
"You're blushing again."  
  
"I cannot help it."  
  
"So you love me?"  
  
"I don't know. I think I might."  
  
"I don't want you to love me."  
  
"Oh…"  
  
"You can't love me like she did."  
  
"I can try. If it means not being lonely I can try."  
  
"…No, you can't."  
  
"Wait! Where are you going?"  
  
"Home."  
  
"Why? I thought…"  
  
"I don't see it?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't see it Ami. I don't see you this way?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Look, I see you as sweet, innocent, Ami who finds intelligent solutions to her problems. This isn't you. Sorry."  
  
"So am I…"  
  
"Huh."  
  
"I'm sorry I tried to confide in you!"  
  
"Now you're getting mad."  
  
"Shut up! The door is that way."  
  
"Hell, I know!"  
  
"Then go. Don't come crying to me when you feel the same way."  
  
"Ha!"  
  
"Out! Now!"  
  
"I'm going. Your acting like a shrew, a crazy girlfriend even."  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"Do you? Ami, look I don't-"  
  
"OUT!" After that there was silence, as Ami lay huddled in the dark under the cool sheets. She was getting desperate. She needed to let it out, but where and how? She thrashed around in her bed. Her mom was working late again. She needed something. God, it was tearing her apart.  
  
She touched the inside of her thigh and inched her fingers upward. Her breath came short and she stopped. No, she thought, I won't resort to that. No, I must maintain my dignity. God someone help me!  
  
She rolled out of bed and stumbled in the kitchen. She ravaged the refrigerator and cabinets. I figures that the goody, goody Minzo family wouldn't have a single bottle of sake in the house, not even for cooking. She stumbled around the kitchen and picked up the paring knife that had been left there after preparing her dinner. She held it up in the darkness and walked into the living room with it. She watched the moon light dance on the sharp blade and smiled before plunging the tip of the blade into her perfect, princess, skin. 


	3. I want For Nothing chp3

Before the dawn  
  
Book 2: I want for nothing  
  
By Michi-chan  
  
"Call me later, ok Ami!"  
  
"Sure thing Arumi," Ami said, waving to Arumi, the president of the math club. Ami smiled and waved to the other club members and began her walk home. Usagi and Makoto had already left for the arcade, but Ami didn't feel much like playing games today. Everyone was trying his and her best to stay cheerful in light of Minako's "sleep."  
  
Buried at the North corner of the Tokyo Tower Minako, incased in her own life force slept. Her soul was safely tucked in the astral plane with Kunzite, the man she fell in love with for the first time. She was happy, and had no regrets. Ami envied that.  
  
Ami took the long way home and stopped in front of the indoor pool that she often visited. There was always a locker with her swimsuit in it for her, waiting for her like a mistress. It called to her, begged for her. And like a lecher she submitted and headed inside the tall building.  
  
The pool was vacant. No surprise. Michiru and Haruka had long since moved on. Michiru would no longer race her in the cool blue waters. As for where she and her companion went, no one knows. She shook her head. Enough about the past. Donned in her blue swimsuit she dove head first in the water.  
  
It consumed her. Her mind floated back to the time when she was cradled in her mother's womb. The water was warm and safe. All her pains drifted away in the soft, lapping, waves of water. Softness. Warmth. Comfort. Safety. The feeling that life was in her own hands, that she was the creator of destiny filled every cell in her body. She controlled whether she would sink of swim, breath or drown. It was all her. It was all about her. She felt selfish and self-centered, but it wasn't so bad. She hadn't felt that way since her parents divorced when she was little and it felt good to be the center of attention for once. Even if she was the only audience. For hours she swam and eventually she succumbed to just floating on her back in a sleep-like trance.  
  
Usagi got the call at about ten o'clock that night. Ami's mother had just called Makoto, and Rei. She was looking for her daughter.  
  
"You haven't seen her either?" Ms. Minzo said frantically.  
  
"No Ms. Minzo. She did say that she was going to a cram school."  
  
"Yes, but that would have ended an hour ago."  
  
"Oh… Well… I haven't seen her."  
  
"Yes… Well thank you Usagi. If you see her tell her to come home."  
  
"I will."  
  
"Thank you." Usagi hung up the phone as Luna watched from her spot on the desk.  
  
"It's not like Ami to disappear without saying anything," she said.  
  
"Yeah, that really strange. I hope nothing happened." Usagi pondered the thought of kidnapping when the phone rang again.  
  
"Usagi, did Ami's mom call you?" It was Rei.  
  
"Yeah! Ami's missing."  
  
"Yeah, I know. She called me too."  
  
"I wonder why Ami didn't go home after her normal cram school."  
  
"She musts till be mad…" Rei said quietly.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean… Look don't say anything about it until I'm done,ok?"  
  
"O… Ok." Usagi listened as Rei explained what happened between Ami and her in the darkness of Ami's room. How Ami wanted to use Rei's skills to find comfort.  
  
"You mean… You and Minako were…" Usagi's face turned blue.  
  
"Only for a little while… I wanted to believe that we need no man to make us happy in the future. We're not like you Usagi. We don't have our own Tuxedo Kamen. It's impossible to love in this lifetime for us."  
  
"But you…"  
  
"We didn't do anything bad! It wasn't like those crazy hentai movies your friend Umiro picks up."  
  
"WHAT! Umiro's a hentai fan?"  
  
"You mean you didn't know? Look… that's not the issue here. The thing is that Ami wanted me to do the same… but I couldn't. I mean… It's Ami here. She's too innocent."  
  
"You and Minako… Did you love her?" Usagi waited. The silence was long.  
  
"I don't think so. She was my cornerstone though. Maybe… Maybe Ami needed a cornerstone too."  
  
The clock struck eleven when Ami finally came out of her trance. She slowly opened her eyes. She was still floating. The lights were off in the giant room but the light from the moon cast a peaceful luminosity around her. She lifted her head from the water and moved her body, drifting back to the edge of the pool.  
  
The moment she stepped out she regretted it. The weight of the world was back on her shoulders. She felt heavy and sluggish. Her arm hurt. She looked down at the inside of her arm and frowned at the gash that was there. Stabbing herself did get her mind off of her miseries, but that method was short lived and very painful. Rei had hurt her heart. She wanted to be a part of something, someone, someday soon. But now she finally found her comfort. It was an escape in her own mind.  
  
She looked at her watch after she dried and dressed. It was almost twelve. What did it matter though. Her mom was probably working late again. It was dark, and she was alone on the street. It wasn't like her water. But it was close enough. For now. She walked into the apartment a little after twelve and was surprised to see her mother, fully clothed, in an oversized chair with the phone still in her hand. She paused and walked up to her mother, nudging her. Ms. Minzo started awake and looked around. She looked up at Ami and breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Oh, Ami you're ok. Thank goodness. I was so worried when I got home and you weren't here. I almost called the police." Ms. Minzo wrapped her arms around her daughter and held her close. Ami fell into that safe feeling once again. She wanted to stay like this forever. It was like being back at the pool. She felt safe, loved, comforted, and in control of her and her mother's emotions. This is what she wanted. This was all she wanted. She wanted to feel that forever. She knew that a life without this feeling would eventually kill her. She would die if she could not feel like she were the center of the universe.  
  
That's when it dawned on her. She wasn't jealous of Minako's love for Kunzite or the love between Usagi and Mamoru. She wasn't even really jealous of what Minako and Rei shared. She was jealous of the feeling of oneness. The fact that in all of those relationships the members felt that they were the sun. Minako was Kunzite's sun and he her moon. Usagi was Mamoru's queen and he her king. Rei was Minako's yin and she her yang. Ami wanted that. She wanted it, and she had finally found it.  
  
Off in the distance, back at the poll a strand of Ami's hair floated on top of the water. It shimmered and turned into ice. However, unlike ice, it didn't float on top of the water. Nor did it melt. Instead it sunk to the bottom and waited. Waited until the time came when it would be rejoined with it's master. 


	4. I want For Nothing chp4

I want for nothing  
  
By Michi-chan  
  
Nine days and each slow. Nine nights with the moon a glow. Night times she wished for death. Nine times her life was left. Nine afternoons full of longing and sorrow. Nine morning mourning for the last tomorrow. Nine plans to get away from the world. Nine failures and ambitions still curled.  
  
Ami woke up like she had for the last nine days. Lifeless. She felt so tired. There was a ring at the front door. She quietly dragged herself out of bed and proceeded to the front door. She opened it.  
  
"Morning Ami!" cheered Makoto with a giant grin, toting a picnic basket and a tote bag.  
  
"Makoto…?" Ami was confused  
  
"It's been a while since we went to the pool. I thought that since you were feeling a little down we could go. Just you and me huh? What do ya say?" Makoto smiled again. It was a hopeful pleading smile. Ami could give her happiness by saying one word. Ami smiled. And nodded.  
  
Soon the girls were underway to Ami's favorite indoor pool. Dawned in a forest green bikini Makoto dove into the water moments after Ami. They swam and played and basked in the sun that blowed through smaller windows.  
  
"Not many people come here do they?" Makoto asked looking around. Ami shook her head.  
  
"No. My mom and a few other stock holders share this section with the pool. It's private."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes. We can bring who we want as long as we're with them."  
  
"Wow." They laid in the water for what seemed like hours. Makoto almost drifted off to sleep when her stomach growled. She blushed and climbed out of the water pulling one of her famous fruit sandwiches out of the picnic basket.  
  
"Hey Ami," she called over to her friend who now floated on her back with closed eyes. "I brought lunch. Come eat. I know you must be hungry, 'cause I know I am." Makoto turned back to the food and after a while there was no answer.  
  
"Ami?" Makoto turned, wondering if Ami actually fell asleep. What she saw shocked and horrified her. Ami was glowing blue and azure crystals were forming around her body. It was just like Minako. It was Minako all over again.  
  
"No…" Makoto whispered then panicked. "No! Ami, don't… Don't leave!" But her voice fell on deaf ears.  
  
Ami was in a state of bliss and happiness. She wasn't cold, and her heart didn't ach. It was perfect, like being in water. She was detached from the world. But somehow she didn't feel alone. That was when she began to feel her body break apart. She still felt her body, but who could that be when she was all over the place. Like droplets of water she moved with the winds, blissful and unafraid.  
  
That was when she began to fall. She hit the ground and the grass. She hit umbrellas and hats. She hit children and adults. She hit the leaves and the water, and every time she did she scattered into more drops only to scatter again. She was everywhere. She pasted herself on the window panes and looked in. She saw Makoto. Makoto was crying. She wanted to know why. Why did Makoto cry. She felt herself change and she became Makoto's tears. She rolled down a smooth cheek and hit something cool. It was a crystal coffin, just like Minako's. Except this one was blue and Minako wasn't inside. She was. Did her soul descend her body. How could that be, she was here wasn't she?  
  
No she wasn't. She was water now. She was one with all water now. She was happy with being water and she could watch over Makoto and everyone always. And they would be happy. She would make them happy. She would rain on their gardens and put out their fires. She would set their moods and make them dance. They would swim with her and drink her. They would bath with her and they would take in their fill of her. Yes. She was a part of them now. She was a part of them. She looked over into the water of the pool and thought hard. She was now water and water was like a mrirror.  
  
Makoto gasped when she herd a splash. She had just finished pulling Ami's crystal coffin out of the water. So who was swimming now? Was it Ami? She looked out onto the water and saw nothing. Then a ripple. Another ripple and suddenly a spout of water shot op towards the ceiling. She saw Ami, standing and smiling. Blended in the water. She was speaking, but water could not talk. A sliver of water in the shape of a hand reached out and touched her cheek. Then she was gone.  
  
It wasn't until the next day that Makoto broke the news to her friends. There was silence all around. Tears and all around speechlessness. What was there to say?   
  
"Her mom is going to really worry," Rei said. Makoto nodded.  
  
"I think," started Luna after whipping a paw against her large eyes. "As her friends you should all go and break the news to her mother. We didn't say anything to Minako's parents, so we should go to Minako's house as well. The families have a right to know who their daughters really were and what happened to them."  
  
"Your right…" started Usagi. It was a simple task they all dreaded. Who wanted to be the one to tell a mother that her only child is gone forever.  
  
They arrived at the apartment shortly after noon, moments after Ms. Minzo's came home from her night shift. She was surprised to see three very sad young girls and a black cat with a unique crescent moon on it's head. Maybe they were from the clinic.  
  
"Can I help you girls?" she asked happily.  
  
"Minzo-san… We have to tell you…" started the tall brunette.  
  
"It's about your daughter," said the blond.  
  
"My daughter? I think you must be mistaken."  
  
"No ma'am. Your daughter Ami." Said the raven haired girl.  
  
"No I don't have a daughter." She said. The girls stared at her as though she had grown another head.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I've always wanted one though. I was even going to name her Ami, it's my favorite American name. But after my husband left me I gave that up and focused on my career. It's not too bad, but I think I may adopt a daughter." She smiled. "What do you think?" 


End file.
